Dream (but realistic) Australia Day Live Concert

Live from the lawns of Australia's Parliament House!

Hosted by Andrew G and Gretel Killeen!

With Sandra Sully and new Neighbours star Sam Clark on roaming mics!


Warm up act: Sonya (Shirley Clamp's best friend) & buff dancers

Warmer act: Candee Jay
(including special "duet" of If I Were You with Young Divas)

Hot act: Martin Stenmarck
(Canberra has forgiven him for what he did to Nanne)

Stupendous act: t.A.T.u.

Setlist

1. All About Us (with special guests The Veronicas)
   
2. Loves Me Not
3. Stars
4. Ya Soshla S Ama
5. Outer Space (as Comet McNaught flies over Red Hill)
6. Not Gonna Get Us (with special guest the goth from Australian Princess)
   

Enjoy.

Things I love #1

Swedish people:

Such energy!

Always nice hair and clothes (though not sure about the tie)!

Things I hate #1

• The sound of car brakes in underground car parks
• Walking up dodgy grungey staircases in underground car parks
• When old blokes position themselves and their bench less than a foot away from the little dumbell stand at the gym so that you have to squeeze past them all the time
  

Perfume: The Story of a Murderer

Just went and saw this. It's awesome. Smelly. Beautiful. Ben Whishaw is a beautiful actor. Beautiful. This is him smelling a chick he then kills. It's all just wonderful (except the killing).

Cheesy Italian Crime Show on SBS this summer

It's called Don Matteo and I've seen the first three episodes and it's just WONDERFUL. The lead character is a Catholic priest who is blonde and rides a bike and wears a funny hat and fancies himself as a bit of a policeman WITHOUT FORGETTING HIS PRIESTLY DUTIES and he's played by a guy called TERENCE HILL which doesn't sound very Italian BUT SPEAKS GOOD ITALIAN (though what would I know) and there is a "Capitano" who is the police captain and there is a "bumbling" Seargent who wishes he could get promoted but he can't because he's "bumbling" and there is a good looking young cop who doesn't get much of a look-in and there is a female MAYOR who is the Capitano's possible love interest, if this weren't a PG rated show (Mild violence) and she is quite "bumbling" too because she isn't very good at driving cars, and it's all set in a BEAUTIFUL little Italian village where lots of crime happens oh and the policemen always go and ask Don Matteo for help and he has this woman living with him who I don't think it's wife because he's a priest but she's very "nervy" and bakes a lot!

Whew!

It's like Blue Heelers, but ENTERTAINING and NOT AUSTRALIAN and NOT DODGY and GLAMOUROUS in a GOOD WAY.

It's all a great lead-in to an Adults-Only episode of Inspector Rex. The other day it was about this horrible sexual predator who had it in for Rex and wanted to kill him, but in the end, Rex got him! :)

Meanwhile, listen to this! (Real player streaming audio) It's a song I've just noticed in the Swedish charts called "Forget me forget me not". It's quite good. (But nothing to do with Don Matteo)

http://www.sr.se/cgi-bin/p3/topplistor/createsmil.asp?plac=36

Lazy ARIA Top 50 round-up

1 NIGHT OF MY LIFE Damien Leith
It works I suppose. But it's not very EXCITING is it.

2 DON'T GIVE UP Shannon Noll & Natalie Bassingthwaighte
Well it's nice that it's about reducing suicide and STUFF but I think Natalie puts on a bit of a silly voice. Or is that just how she sounds when she sings slow songs?

3 SMACK THAT Akon Feat. Eminem
I'm assuming this is awful.

4 WIND IT UP Gwen Stefani
Well the goat bit is good but the rest is a bit unlistenable.

5 IRREPLACEABLE Beyonc
The "to the left" rubbish drives me NUTS!

6 I WISH I WAS A PUNK ROCKER (WITH FLOWERS IN MY HAIR) Sandi Thom
Who is still buying this?

7 MY LOVE Justin Timberlake Feat. T.I.
Toes in the sand. It's great.

8 I DON'T FEEL LIKE DANCIN' Scissor Sisters
Amusingly popular. I never liked it much to begin with, and still don't.

9 FERGALICIOUS Fergie
What rubbish.

10 SAY IT RIGHT Nelly Furtado
Lovely, just lovely. So pretty.

11 ELEVATOR LOVE Guy Sebastian
You know what I think about this.

12 LIGHT SURROUNDING YOU Evermore
Pretty, very pretty. Not as pretty as Nelly though.

13 TOO LITTLE TOO LATE JoJo
What generic rubbish. Just AWFUL.

14 HAPPENIN' ALL OVER AGAIN Young Divas
Good on you, you "middling foursome" (Sun Herald quote)

15 I DON'T NEED A MAN The Pussycat Dolls
Well it's not that bad is it? It's not Steps though.

16 U + UR HAND P!nk
It's about masturbation. That is a good thing, surely.

17 HURT Christina Aguilera
She's disappointing these days.

18 ROCK THIS PARTY (EVERYBODY DANCE NOW) Bob Sinclar
What a load of codswollop.

19 FUNKY TONIGHT John Butler Trio
Oh Gosh, I forgot these guys when I did my "scourge on pop music" post.

20 WELCOME TO THE BLACK PARADE My Chemical Romance
Assuming it's awful.

21 WE RIDE Rihanna
Assuming it's awful.

22 PAC'S LIFE 2Pac Feat. T.I. And Ashanti
Ashanti! Is she still around? Definitely awful.

23 JOKER & THE THIEF Wolfmother
Definitely awful.

24 CALL ME WHEN YOU'RE SOBER Evanescence
Disappointingly awful. Their first album's singles were so good and ideal for belting while cruising up Bermuda Street and this is just....unlistenable.

25 SEXYBACK Justin Timberlake
It is.

26 PUT YOUR HANDS UP FOR DETROIT Fedde Le Grand
Pretty sure it's awful.

27 Eskimo Joe
Not that bad actually.

28 COME TO ME P. Diddy Feat. Nicole Scherzinger
Awful.

29 WHAT IF I'M RIGHT Sandi Thom
Unsure.

30 MANEATER Nelly Furtado
Quite perfect really.

31 TIGHTROPE Stephanie McIntosh
Nice synths. And bosom.

32 LAST CHRISTMAS (WITH FROG) Crazy Frog
Reserving judgment. But I do not dislike the Crazy Frog phenomenon. The power could be chanelled in other directions though.

33 LEAVE ME ALONE The Veronicas
Pretty harmonies.

34 LONELY Shannon Noll
Wonderful for doing the shopping to.

35 LOVELIGHT Robbie Williams
I just don't get it. Nothing special for me.

36 THE KILL (BURY ME) 30 Seconds To Mars
Oooh aren't we popular now. I can see the appeal, I don't like it though.

37 ME & U Cassie
Who is Cassie?

38 LIVE FOR LOVE Anthony Callea
Go to SWEDEN, not ITALY, Anthony!

39 SNOW ((HEY OH)) Red Hot Chili Peppers
Definitely awful.

40 PICTURES Sneaky Sound System
Quite good really. I like their sound.

41 LONDON BRIDGE Fergie
Yeah whatever.

42 WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG The Killers
Unlistenable.

43 TALLER, STRONGER, BETTER Guy Sebastian
Unlistenable.

44 YOU GIVE ME SOMETHING James Morrison
Mediocre.

45 IF EVERYONE CARED Nickelback
They make me want to slit my wrists (not really).

46 LOVE LIKE WINTER AFI
Australian Film Industry? WTF?

47 BUTTONS The Pussycat Dolls feat. Snoop Dogg
I preferred the Bleep one.

48 BUT IT'S BETTER IF YOU DO Panic! At The Disco
Reserving judgment.

49 UNFAITHFUL Rihanna
God, who is buying this. It's just AWFUL. Strangled cat.

50 THE SAINTS ARE COMING U2 & Green Day
Awful.

Not as bad as when we did this a few months ago really!

Lyrical analysis of Guy Sebastian's "Elevator Love"

Prompted by the ridiculous faux-Swedishness of Guy Sebastian's latest effort, I was spurred into listening to the lyrics after trying to sing Since U Been Gone/4 Ever/Just Want You to Know/U+Ur Hand over the top of the melody.

I ripped these lyrics off a Christian blog that is quite popular (if only mine were so) and is quite a fan of Guy.

This isn't going to be very in-depth, I warn you.

If I could, I would
Do it again, I’d do it again

Catchy!

I wouldn’t change a thing

Kylie reference!

We have love, and lose love
And do it again, and do it again

Catchy bit again!

But that’s just how we are
We come back just to throw it all away

Delta Goodrem reference!

Tell me it’s over
So we can do it all again
I’m addicted to this elevator love

First reference to an elevator! Strange given that the video is set in an elevator, and the name of the song revolves around the elevator. Makes me think of that great episode of Police Rescue where there was a small earthquake in Sydney and the whole episode was set inside a lift shaft and it made my palms and feet sweat as a 10 year old!

Tell me you miss me
And I will come back for one more day
I’m addicted to this elevator love
Elevator love

Well he certainly loves his elevator lovin'! Good on you, Guy. Nothing wrong with public places. But there certainly is no graphic detail of your elevator love...

We laugh, we cry
And do it again, do it again
We go to hell and back
But there’s something ’bout you

Jamelia reference!

I can’t keep away
Just can’t keep away
We know we’ll crash down
But I don’t want it any other way

Over and over and over we fall
We go up to come down, just to turn it around
And face it all again

Boring bit...

REPEAT CHORUS

Well that's all a bit boring isn't it! Reminds me a bit though of a great scene where Phil and Debbie were getting it on in the lift at St Hughes on The Bill. It was HOT. Guy should have done something like that in his clip. Or described it in the lyrics.

Really, this song is just a big disappointment. It attempts to be Swedish, yet fails in its mediocrity. The lack of depth in the lyrics points to crapness.

Like Anthony Callea, who for some silly reason went to Italy to write songs for his album, Guy should book a flight to Stockholm immediately. Or not, so as to leave space in the writing huts for Shirley Clamp, Linda Bengtzing, etc, etc.

Jangly piano appreciation

• Ten Miles by Infernal - it feature's some great jangly piano!
• Keane's album Hopes and Fears - wonderful jangly piano! I'm not sure if their second album features as much, but I hope so!
• ABBA's If It Wasn't for the Nights - absolutely chock full of jangly piano!

Why not post your favourite jangly piano as a comment?

Things that have been exciting this year

I simply can't do the amazing sort of lists like I'm Always Right and Popjustice because a) I can't be bothered and b) I don't have enough money to buy loads of music and c) I no longer work in the music industry in any way, shape or form, so I a) haven't really got into music as much as usual this year and b) there hasn't REALLY been that much good stuff around. IMO.

So I thought I'd do a very casual little list about exciting things. And include movies. Yeah, that's a good idea.


BWO

Halcyon Days is an awesome album. It's not as exciting as Protoype, mainly because I find tracks 6, 7 and 8 to be a bit shit. But the rest is just amazing and they have kept coming up with some incredible videos. This is why they are greatest pop band around at the moment (click play!)




It has flying dogs and other cool stuff! Just amazing.

What's something else I enjoyed this year. Well Infernal were really slack and cancelled their tour to Australia, instead deciding to stay and promote From Paris to Berlin in the UK. Bastards. But they did come up with an amazing new cover of Self Control which has a great video featuring lots of liquids and things:




It's quite wonderful.

Oooh and I almost forgot - Lucky by Lucky Twice! Two random Swedish girls singing a happy song, and the video features glow-worms! And it features a great lyric: Even though you said it would never end it's over/You were smiling on my arm now you're crying on my shoulder, and "over" and "shoulder" is pronounced in that wonderful Swedish/American accent!



What else.

Girls Aloud, September, Da Buzz, Marie Serneholdt, Dannii Minogue etc were all still rather good, but everything I've listened to this year and really got into...was from last year. How disappointing really. I've just bought a Sony Walkman MP3 player, so maybe that will get me a bit more excited. But I can see myself listening to lots of old music really!

Well what's reasonably exciting at the moment. How about this song:

My Love by Justin Timberlake. It has all these little synthy sounds in it that just sound very cool. And it also has a line about Justin's toes in the sand! That would get any person who is into feet going for days, especially given that he brought sexy back.

MOVIES!

I saw loads of good movies this year.

Matchpoint: this was quite sexual. Look at the photo! It was my first Woody Allen movie.

Jindabyne: it was quite exciting to see this movie, because I know the actual place Jindabyne quite well. It was very dreamy and made me feel all funny. Could have had a better ending. It was very exciting and now every time I see a horrible looking man driving a ute, I say it looks like a Jindabyne Car!

Over the Hedge: the first kids' movie I'd seen in AGES and I really enjoyed it. Despite the presence of Avril Lavigne.

The Da Vinci Code: yeah it wasn't as good as the book, but it really wasn't that bad. I hope they do Angels and Demons soon, because that should be way better.

Borat: very very very very funny. "Orange water panties" is my favourite line.

Little Miss Sunshine: oh gosh, this was just beautiful. Beautiful! I just BURST out crying when the guy finds out he can't be a fighter pilot because he is colourblind, because I would love to be a pilot and am also a bit colourblind.

Brokeback Mountain: well this made me cry when Heath smells the other bloke's shirt. So sad.

Charlotte's Web: I cried for half the movie. I just couldn't help myself.

Hidden: This was mysterious.

Flightplan: Ooh now this WAS enjoyable. I love planes.

Volver: This was just LOVELY and makes me want to go to Spain and tend my grave.

The Black Dahlia: I didn't understand HALF of it. But it was still quite good.

The Prestige: Oh now this was VERY good. Thoroughly enjoyable.

C-R-A-Z-Y: Now this was AMAZING. Loved it. Except the bit in the desert. That was silly.

Friends with Money: This was LOVELY. Not really a cinema movie but it was a lovely little tale.

V for Vendetta: Thorougly enjoyable!

Transamerica: Just LOVELY.

I've just realised I'd be a really CRAP film reviewer. But you get the gist surely?

Scourge of popular music

Sorry to be so negative, but really, I've had it up to here with these awful artists, they are desperately attempting to spoil my listening of the local radio station. They can all be lumped into the same category of hideousness:

Ben Harper

What a wanker. As soon as I hear a radio announcer say "here's a great new song from Ben Harper" I switch to ABC Newsradio. Ugh. Why listen to him when you could listen to Natalie Imbruglia's Come September?

Jack Johnson

Ugh. His cruisy laidback tones infuriate me. If someone offered me a free ride from Sydney to Brisbane and they said the soundtrack would be Ben Harper, no way would I accept. I have nothing against surfing mind you. His music is just awful. And he's so povo that he couldn't put off the photographer until a day when the weather was fine. Why listen to him when you could listen to Lisa Miskovsky's Sing to Me?

James Blunt

Just hideous. I mean really. Why listen to James Blunt when you could listen to Girls Aloud's Watch Me Go?