A demo version of Laura Gissara feat. Bomfunk MCs, Shirley Clamp and Enya "Down Under (The Aussie World Cup Song 2006)" has been produced.
I encourage you all to download and have a listen by clicking here.
Take note of the Finnish, Swedish, Australian, French and Gaelic influences. Now all it needs is that Italian Giss touch and sparkling production from Chanel, Tiffani and In-Grid's Bega Valley Studios (BVS).
1. Fyshwick Markets - Get Fresh!
The best place to shop in Canberra. Huge variety of people wandering around hot and sweaty looking for great meat, fish, cheese, fruit and vegies at great prices...and FINDING THEM! Yay for them! Asparagus for 99c a bunch...avocados 99c each...Russian garlic (blessed by tATu perhaps?) for $2.99 a bag...99c/kg for fresh Fuji apples...$2.99 for 700g Free Range Eggs...29c/kg for watermelon...$39.90/kg Morbier cheese...2 BBQ chooks for $9.99...it's brilliant! And that's not even mentioning the seller men who shout at you things about mangoes and peaches and bananas and have funny "rhymes" like "lovely lovely... lovely...mangoes.... wanna try a mango...madam?...madam...na na na na na banana!" How cheery! Why go to Coles Manuka and get that ice maiden 15yo kid service when you get actual friendly 15yo kids and Asian women who know their vegies!
2. Warm weather
3. Madonna "Hung up"
Face it, it's brilliant. I'm not hearing it enough though around Canberra. More please! Still a James Blunt overdose here...
1. Action Buses
You'd think I would have learned my lesson yeah? No. The other day I got a lift in to work and thought I might take the bus home. Surely I would be sitting amongst a normal crowd of people and not struck by some smelly man? Not on your life.
I sit down on the one empty seat and I'm opposite this man who sells pictures around the city...harmless enough, but going on and on about something or other using the word "domination" a lot. No idea why.
The smell on this bus, honestly, it was like teenage girl BO mixed with their cheapy Impulse deodorant or whatever it is they use these days mixed with mandarin peel mixed with cigarette smoke mixed with unwashed bums on seats x 10 years. Not hot!
2. Horrible corporate entities buying your gym
Imagine this...you're bending over swilling water from the water fountain during your workout when you realise (on reading the notice placed next to the fountain) that your quality independent classy $800 a year gym has just been taken over by a horrible "chain" gym and that "nothing will change!" Nothing! Yeah right! You are going to have to pay to get a professional program done, previously free. Oh but wait, they will have complimentary DVD hire! You join a gym, to go to the gym, and get fit, yet they won't give you complimentary/included instruction on how to get fit, but they will give you a DVD to take home and watch. That's very sensible. The next day I'm on the gym floor and this guy walks in, he looks like a cross between a sleazy hotel concierge and a sleazy Cash Converters worker. Wearing all black. Long sleeved black shirt, in the gym. With then name of the gym chain in its girly branded glory on the back collar. How ridiculous. No more nice casual, sporty t-shirts. Just icky icky uniforms! And you know what, apparently they are going to install turnstiles! Lack of trust galore! And you know what, they've already put complaints forms on the counter, permanently. Like they are expecting complaints! Well you know what, they're gonna get some from PopGoesCanberra!
Also coming: Bar Review: The Julep Lounge, Car Parks Review: Civic, Woden, Belconnen, Linda Bengtzing hits Canberra.
Thanks to CFBGoesPop's foresight in starting up the bandwagon, and Fop's jumping on the bandwagon, PopGoesCanberra is now running desperately behind the bandwagon, trying to catch up.
And in what a way!
PopGoesCanberra has formulated the winning combination (kicked the winning goal, etc., etc.) for the ideal Australian World Cup 2006 song. In PopGoesCanberra's opinion, the best two soccer-"themed" songs have been Bomfunk MCs feat. Jessica Folker I Know There's Something Going On (yes, the chorus covers Frida from ABBA's amazing solo track produced by Phil Collins) and Shirley Clamp's (We Will Be) Champions (featuring the lyrics "Yellow and blue/just like the sun in heaven/the magic eleven)
Therefore, the "ideal" Australian pop song, as suggested by Alyson from CFBGoesPop, is "Land Down Under." But not some boring cover. No. This will be an AMAZING super cover.
The official, full title wil be "Bomfunk MCs featuring Laura Gissara and Shirley Clamp with Special Guest Enya, Land Down Under (The Aussie World Cup Song)"
It's a mouthful, but necessary.
The Bomfunks, Shirley and Enya will fly Lauda Air to Sydney and then take Murrays Coaches to Bega. Laura will travel to Bega by Limousine. They will record at Tiffani, Chanel and In-Grid's Bega Valley Studios (BVS) at a discounted rate ($100 000 per day), which will provide the ideal collaborative musical environment in a pleasant Australian bush setting.
The lyrics are yet to be completely formulated, but the basic structure will be as such:
[Bomfunk MCs do total rehashed "world game" Finnish version of the Men at Work Classic - Verse 1]
You know yeah
Speed of light
Kombi head full of zombie
I met a strange lady
She kicked a ball
I said is that all
And she said
[Laura and Shirley - Chorus]
Do you come from a land down under
Where women glow and men plunder
Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder
You better run, you better take cover
That green and gold
Just like the wattle on the trees
The Aussies are the bees' knees
[Bomfunk MCs - Verse 2]
[Laura and Shirley - Verse 3]
[Bomfunk MCs - Middle 8]
[Laura and Shirley - various "wo oh" noises to indicate up-coming drama]
[Enya - Breakdown - second Middle 8 - mixture of French and Gaelic - Enya critical ingredient with big beats and strings arranged by Richard Carpenter, guitar by Sting, Sinead O'Connor is OK alternative if Enya unavailable. This came to PopGoesCanberra while doing Sun Salutations at Les Mills BodyBalance]
[Laura, Shirley and Enya- Chorus x 3, two key changes and clean finish, plus jingly chimes in the wind to fade out]
Please get behind this song idea. It's the ideal world game song, at it's heart it's Australian, but features Swedish, Finnish, Celtic, Italian, French and American influences. It will be perfect and will outsell Shannon and Anthony COMBINED. The video will feature Sydney nightclub scenes, Sydney Harbour shots, Western Suburbs Tyre Yard scenes, Uluru, and interspliced with shots of the Australia vs Uruguay game from Wednesday night.
- Cocktail parties with ample supplies of lemon, lime, vodka, peach schnapps, soda water, midori, fun people who just wanna dance and drink and make conversation that isn't about work, blue cheese, quince paste, pink lights, potato salad, choolate dipped strawberries, pistachio nuts, comfy couches and decent music!
- Saying "fuckin' wanker" in an Irish accent
- BioZet washing powder. It smells so fresh.
- Bhutan, Croatian Coastline, Tasmanian beaches
- September (the Swedish pop singer, not the month)
- tATu - again
- Fyshwick Fresh Food Markets - great atmosphere, good looking people, good looking fruit and veg, good prices, all in Australia's porn capital! It can't GET better!
- Green grass and grass clippings
- Spiders that bite you in the middle of the night on not just one but two toes and make them hurt and itch all day. Canberra spiders. The face of evil in an arachnid.
- Knightsbridge, Braddon - great furnishings etc, and free wine tasting once a month - great idea but pity the wine is pretty crap and the people serving it scowl at you when you actually want to taste some but not buy any due to the fact it's crap
- Non-stop rain
- Closed car parks that mean you have to walk a kilometre to get to work if you don't want to pay $7 for parking
- Australian Idol - who the hell came up with the idea that they are the best contestants ever? What a load of crap. I feel nothing for them. Vacuous is the word!
- Coles Supermarkets - no thank you Lisa McCune.
What awful weather. Bloody cold. Canberra, bring on summer, please. Hurry up. Leaves and flowers etc are here. Please match with warm temperatures. This is starting to get me down. Real sit inside and listen to White Lillies Island and Counting Down the Days weather. I even went as far as listening to most of Delta's Innocent Eyes. I must admit, I really do like Delta. Born to Try is absolute rubbish, but Innocent Eyes, Not Me Not I and Lost Without You all added the requisite element of drama to Gold Coast radio just when it needed it. All The Things She Said, Bring Me to Life and Lost Without You really all came along one after the other and it was rather good really. The only problem with Delta is she's not Swedish. And it is very uncool to like her. Even in pop-liking circles.
Like every other young Canberran with an eye for fashion, I certainly wasted no time getting down to my local Kmart store as soon as I heard the latest collection from ‘Home and Away’ had been released. And this exciting range of ready-to-wear Diamontee Hoodies and Sunset Tanks has kept me on my toes ever since. With confusing names like ‘Denim Surf’ and ‘Active Sun,’ these zany outfits have brought me no end of glee: on weeknights as I mince down London Circuit to join the queue outside Mooseheads - and, on weekends, all the sun damage I can handle.
· Set a trend in this cute hoodie, casual with a hint of shine. Also available in pink.
· 100% cotton french terry.
· Shown here: Dusty egg combo with turquoise print and pale blue diamontees.
· Cute and comfy, this terry skirt is perfect over bathers. Also available in white.
· Urban Mini
· This chic mini is a wardrobe essential this season. Also available in pink.
But the good news is that there’s another collection in the pipeline! Heavily influenced by Bec Cartwright’s ground-breaking take on teenage maternity wear, industry insiders anticipate an emphasis on bump-concealing peasant tops, the aptly named Love Surf Hoodie, and heavily fortified support hose. But if you thought Summer Bay had exhausted the fashion potential of strappy singlets, ethnic style sandals and undersized polos, then think again. Because the word from Milan Fashion Week is that this intriguing prêt-a-porter range is set to expand for European summer 06 to include not only a selection of men’s boat shoes and slides, but also a controversial ‘ageing Australia’ wardrobe.
Indeed, stew no more over stocking fillers for Dad this Christmas: the Alf Stewart range is coming to a Kmart near you. Complete with cream coloured slacks, special edition SES uniforms and crisp, sensible shirts, your middle-aged male relatives will never crave for style again. Rumour has it that the designers even plan to release a limited edition range of home-wares for the man about the Bay. Playfully dubbed ‘flamin heck!’ this premier collection will transform your uncle’s study into the Surf Club in no time once it’s crammed full with cheap wicker furniture, sun and moon cushions and mismatched bar stools.
If Georgie Parker’s demure range of sleepwear and undergarments (‘Georgie’) were too hot to keep under wraps last year, try to imagine the industry fervour surrounding the neatly pressed chinos and shaker knit jumpers expected to grace the catwalks when David Suzuki’s ‘The Nature of Things’ finally goes live with its much
anticipated ‘David’ collection. And stubbies, blundstones and sensible socks are set for a come-back with the ‘Bush Tucker Man’ series, due for release early next year. Grey nomads of Australia, get your shopping bags ready!
But why stop there? Mature ladies will be champing at the bit to get into this fun range of pant-suits when the ‘Murder She Wrote’ collection hits our stores later this season. Our country cousins aren’t forgotten either: ABC’s ‘Landline’ plans to release a sultry range of RM Williams and slinky Akubras in time for the Christmas rush. And rumour has it that the producers of ‘Compass’ are gearing up for a solid dose of retail therapy following the launch of a new fragrance by Geraldine Doogue, expected in time for the Spring Racing Carnival.
Down the road at SBS, producers and wardrobe personnel are deep in brainstorming mode, leaping onto the bandwagon with a playful twist on personal care in the ‘George Negus’ range of grooming accessories. Meanwhile, ‘Storyline Australia’ and ‘World News Tonight’ are expected to follow suit in early December with a series of tightly fitting chokers, asphyxiating jackets and ‘fair trade’
cosmetics designed to produce the most dramatic, assymetrical hair styles to grace the family Christmas dinner table.
Talking points indeed! My only regret is that Ailsa and Roo are no longer around to mix some true blue Aussie style into the Summer Bay fashion palate. Now there’s a couple of ladies who knew how to dress.
Continuing on from the Woden Food Court, to the Deep Space Tracking Station, I felt like a small Siberian husky strapped into a satellite hurtling through the outer reaches of the universe, to a galaxy far, far away. But Tidbinbilla’s no place for a space traveler on empty stomach, so I was glad I’d packed the Pal chunks in jelly dog food, just to keep me going. Didn’t look much different to the stuff they feed the astronauts anyway.
It was a bit naïve, I suppose, to actually think that they’d let me have a seat at the console and a twiddle of the equipment. But hey, I’ve got a steady hand, I could be trusted with Voyager for a day – or even Mars Express. No such luck. This is about as close as you get to the action(Below).
One lap of the visitor’s centre later, and I was glad to see that even astronauts take group photos of themselves before they head off in their rockets. Pity there’s no Japanese astronauts amongst the group, sticking their fingers up in a ‘V’ behind each other’s helmets.
(Above)The final twelve: Australia, you decide who gets to come back
But even more intriguing was the glass case display of outfits worn by previous astronauts whilst gadding about in the outer reaches. Fortunately, there seems to be a dedicated wardrobe team on hand, so that everyone’s looking their best when the count-down’s over and it’s finally time for blast off.
It was also pleasing to find that the modern lady astronaut never lets her hair and make-up slip when she’s on a mission.
Getting from to know each other in the interplanetary sense is never a problem for these young bucks, as they cruise from first base to third in their convertible moon buggies.
Home renovations are high on every astronaut’s ‘to-do’ list: I bet Noni and the team from Better Homes & Gardens would have a fit if they saw the mess the Apollo team had made with their cladding (Below right).
And after a hard day rounding up all the chimps, mice and guinea pigs blasted off into space by well-meaning NASA scientists over the years, there’s always time to put up a flag or two.
If all this makes you hungry, just remember, they can pack more food into that café than you’d need to last you all the way from Earth to Mir.
But gaze at those dishes for long enough, and you’ll start to think about filling them with a family size paella. They must get good reception out there, too. I dare say you could pick up Triple MMM with that antenna.
After surveying this troubling scene, all I can say is: watch out stray space dogs of Canberra! Get yourself a licence and a muzzle or you’ll be bundled into a rocket and blasted off from Tidbinbilla. The scientists are getting ready for you as we speak, sewing tiny space suits and freeze-drying the meaty bites.
On the other hand, if you’re already bunkering down for the holocaust, and country driving’s more your thing (or you’re just sick and tired of being drag-raced up Mort street when all you’re trying to do is find a Caltex open on a Thursday night) then get along to the social whirl of down-town Gundaroo.
University entrance score not high enough? Not to worry, the Gundarro public library and literary institute is still taking enrolments for second semester.
While all you ANU graduates may scoff, and think the campus has seen better days, I think this particular state of the art facility should be enough to convince you that Canberra may not be all it’s cracked up to be over the summer, and that you should definitely relocate to the Yass valley to further your life education.
Dogs and all other ex-space-shuttle animals, please bring a plate.
See your careers counselor today!
Downtown Manuka has a distinct lack of Woolworths supermarkets. You see there is a Coles in Manuka, and Coles have really dodgy fresh produce. So I thought, how about I head down to Woden to the Woolworths there? I avoided the Woolworths at Dickson due to numerous horrible Dickson experiences.
The drive to Woden took longer than expected. It's a bloody long way. And Tuggeranong is even further than Woden. Imagine how long it would take to get there! [Left: A young woman stranded in Woden frantically re-enacts the new tATU video. "Help get me out of here!"]
I proceeded to park in the Car Park, indicated by a "P" sign. What a delight, I didn't have to pay! My excitement was soon reduced as I was informed by a woman escaping the Plaza that I should have driven around the other side of the Plaza, and that walking to Woolworths from where I had parked was a "shit way to go."
She was right. I had to cross the [lack of] ACTION bus interchange, where the infamous no. 38 bus starts its run towards Narrabundah College and beyond. I made speed to avoid run-ins with the sorts of people who take buses in Canberra. I reached the entrance of the plaza and was struck by a blast of hot air from one of those awful "air curtain" machines, as though I was literally walking into Southern Canberra Hell. [ABOVE: Irene from Home and Away spotted in Woden Plaza]
I made my way past closed up shops, their barriers down. Distantly I could see "da boiz" in the mobile phone shop having a little after work bonding session, and a lone Flight Centre woman slaving away trying to organise some helpless person's tour around Europe. Finally I reached Woolworths.
The aim of my trip to Woolworths was to buy some salmon. It was on special, you see. The "boy" who was, literally, a boy, came and served me. I said "I'd like a nice piece of salmon." He said "which one?" I said "you pick one, you're the expert." He said "I don't eat fish." [ABOVE: Customers at JB Hi-Fi Woden inspect the selection of car stereos on offer]
Grrrr. I hate these situations. He works serving fish all day and he doesn't eat fish. He said it was because he went to boarding school. Tough titties, or floppy fish, I don't care. It's like going to a bottle shop and the silly chick there doesn't drink wine. Fuck off!
I picked my own piece. My next move was to try to find a catalogue, as you do, to pick up anything else that was on special. Bad move. There was not a catalogue to be found in the store. I asked the chirpy Asian girl at the cigarette counter, who then put an older bloke and a bosomous short woman on to the case of finding me a catalogue. Ten minutes later, a lone catalogue was found from that infamous place, "out the back."
I proceeded to buy some pasta sauce. Done! Next, some mince to go with the pasta sauce. It was on special too :) But no, it wasn't to be. The premium beef mince that I wanted was not present in the fridge. I enquired. Tough titties again they said! Missing mince more like it! [ABOVE: Stunning selection of music on offer in Woden]
I was fuming. I stormed out of Woden Plaza, fearing that they may have locked me in. I'll be darned it, they had. I went out the "Emergency Exit Only" door. It was an emergency. I had to get out of that granite-floored, donut-king, K-Mart clothing smelling megalith. I zoomed out of the car-park towards my lakeside sanctuary, swearing never to return. My choice of car music was appropriate, Alizee's J'en ai marre.